Technoference explained: finding the balance between screens and presence

Laurence Morency-Guay is a professor of developmental psychology and a doctoral candidate in educational psychology. An author and speaker, she is above all a mother of three and deeply passionate about issues related to childhood, a subject she explores and puts into practice through her numerous projects. She has also adopted the Fabli method within her own family.

In this article, she helps us to better understand technoference , a concept increasingly present in discussions around parenting and child development.

So Laurence, what exactly is technoference?

Technoference refers to the repeated interruptions of parent-child interactions caused by screen use. It's not simply about being physically present, but about being available to offer attention, supervision, or meaningful interaction.

When a parent's attention is frequently diverted to a screen—messages, emails, social media—interactions with the child become fragmented. However, from a child's developmental perspective, the quality of the interaction is far more important than its duration. It is therefore crucial to offer the child meaningful exchanges and avoid constantly interrupting interaction or play.

And how is technoference different from children's screen time?

There's a lot of talk about children's screen time, meaning their own use of screens, whether it's television, tablets, or even phones. Technoference concerns something else entirely: parents' screen use in the presence of their children.

Even if the child is not looking at the screen, he is sensitive to the emotional availability of the parent, the consistency of his parent's responses and the synchronicity of the exchanges (looks, smiles, reactions).

A parent engrossed in their phone may unintentionally send an unavailable message, which can cause frustration and even distress for the child. Communication with the parent is essential for healthy development, whether cognitive, emotional, or social.

Why are young children particularly susceptible to technoference?

Young children, especially between 0 and 5 years old, develop through repeated interactions with their attachment figures. Their brains develop according to the responses they receive to the needs they express and the exchanges they have with their environment.

When behaviors expressing a need (crying, gazing, attempts at interaction) are regularly interrupted or delayed by a screen, the child may reduce their attempts to connect, develop frustration or insecurity, and thus increase the frequency of their displays of negative emotions. These reactions do not necessarily occur immediately when the parent is on a screen, but rather over time, following the accumulation of these "micro-relational disruptions."

Is it a problem if I sometimes look at my phone in front of my child?

From a developmental perspective, what matters is predictability, repairability, and overall balance. A parent can check their phone and still be responsive to their child's needs. Difficulties arise when screen time becomes the priority or all-consuming.

Therefore, it's not the occasional use that poses a problem, but the overall context of use. A child who is playing independently, engaged in an activity, and who knows their parent is unavailable because they've been told so, can understand that their parent might not be fully present for a while. It's when, on a daily basis, during all the time spent together (playtime or routines/care), a parent is frequently distracted by a screen that the impacts become noticeable.

Therefore, nuance is necessary: ​​a parent has the right to use their technological devices and can do so in front of the child, but they must also think about the times of use and consider offering uninterrupted time to their child.

What are the possible effects of technoference on child development?

Research suggests several potential impacts, which vary depending on the age and context of parental screen use:

• Cognitive: fewer rich and spontaneous verbal exchanges, which can affect language development
• Socio-affective: increased disruptive behaviors to gain attention, impact on the attachment bond caused by inconsistency between attention given and availability to meet needs, more difficult emotional self-regulation

It is important to emphasize that these effects are neither automatic nor irreversible. A child's development is influenced by a multitude of factors.

Why might children seem more irritable when a parent uses a screen?

From a child's perspective, the screen is, in a way, an invisible rival . It captures the parent's attention and disconnects them from their environment, which can be unsettling for the child. This is why they may speak louder, even shout, interrupt the parent more often, resist instructions, or try to provoke others. They may also simply be more inclined to withdraw from seeking interaction with their parent and play alone more often. Children are expected to be able to play alone, but not at the expense of their contact with their parents.

Often, we interpret these behaviors as problematic, when in fact they are rather adaptive strategies to re-establish the link with the adult.

Are parents aware of their children's screen time?

Research tends to show that we often perceive our screen time as less than it actually is. Screen time is often automatic; it's integrated into many moments of daily life. Adults, too, are subject to dopamine cravings, and the frequent use of phones and social media has quietly made us dependent on frequent doses. Without even realizing it, many adults fill unstimulating moments by taking out their phones and glancing at them, but this has an impact on children if it's done sporadically during time spent together.

Screens are often used to alleviate mental load (noting an item for the grocery store), related to professional requirements (checking emails) in addition to the pressure of being constantly reachable and not tolerating leaving a message on "read".

Awareness is already a first protective factor, so it's great if we realize that our screen use interferes with interactions with children.

Can technoference affect the parent-child relationship in the long term?

When it is persistent and affects several moments of daily life, it can influence the quality of the relationship. A child may internalize the belief that their needs are not a priority because the attention given by their parent becomes unpredictable. They also develop the impression that to be noticed, their behavior must be negative or more intense.

However, it's important to emphasize that the parent-child relationship is built on thousands of interactions, not isolated moments. If screen time is genuinely limited and the parent reflects on their own behavior, this is a significant step.

So, how do we reduce technoference?

In practical terms, parents can identify screen-free times (meals, routines, games) and times for screen use (in the evening or during the day). Outside of these times, it will be easier to avoid distractions by putting the phone out of reach (in a cupboard or another room). When use is unavoidable (checking an urgent message), children should be informed, for example: "I'll finish this message and then I'll be with you." During an interruption, the focus should be on making up for lost time, for example, by giving the child their full attention for the activity they wanted to share with their parent.

The child thus learns that attention can be momentarily diverted, but that it reliably returns.

Is it beneficial to explain to a child why we use a screen?

Yes, especially when he makes comments about his parents' screen time, which can start around age 3 or 4. Explaining to the child why it's being used and specifying the usage guidelines, for example: "I'm replying to a work message, then I'll come back to play" or "I need two minutes, then I'll listen to you." Putting it into words helps the child understand that the screen isn't more important than he is.

Does technoference also affect teenagers?

Yes, but in a different way. For teenagers, it can influence their feeling of being heard, the quality of their interactions, and their perception of parental support. Teenagers are sensitive to authenticity, so it's important to allow them to express their frustrations about their parent's screen time and to engage in self-reflection to try to change their habits. Furthermore, a constantly distracted parent can unintentionally reduce opportunities for meaningful dialogue at an age when these are crucial.

Should parents set an example regarding screen time?

Yes, because children learn a great deal by imitation. The way parents use screens sends a clear message about their own limits and the importance of respecting them. Also, since children are very interested in what their parents do, their interest in screens is likely to increase if they are central to the parent's daily activities.

Can the effects of technoference be repaired?

There are few things that are irreversible in human development. By acknowledging established habits and being sensitive to a child's reactions, we can find ways to rebuild our routines. It's never too late to re-evaluate our screen use as parents and implement measures to reduce its presence in our daily lives with children. If a parent still finds themselves distracted at times, acknowledging it to the child and saying, for example, "I'm sorry, I was distracted," will validate the child and allow us to take responsibility as parents.

In summary:

Technoference refers to the use of screens by parents in the presence of the child . It occurs when parent-child interactions are frequently interrupted, which can affect the quality of the exchanges, even if the child is not looking at the screen.

The quality of the interaction is more important than its duration . For a child's development, being looked at, listened to, and receiving consistent responses is essential, especially during playtime and routines.

Young children are particularly sensitive to interruptions in contact with their parents . Delayed or inconsistent responses to their needs can, over time, generate frustration, insecurity, or attention-seeking behaviors.

Occasional screen use outside of interaction and/or caregiving situations is not problematic . It is the frequency, context, and intrusive nature of the use that can have an impact. Balance, predictability, and restorative measures play a key role.

The effects of technoference are neither automatic nor irreversible . By becoming aware of one's habits, setting aside screen-free time, and addressing interruptions, it is possible to protect and strengthen the parent-child relationship.